we are going hamster shopping this afternoon. RIP Lucy.

Oooooh what a week it’s been.

First of all, I’m menstruating, which is always fun and because I’m menstruating I’m taking insane amounts of codeine which has made me extremely constipated and I know that’s probably TMI but I don’t fucking care. The stool softeners? They are ineffective and I’m cranky because I literally have something up my ass. Aren’t you glad I shared?

Also making me cranky is the fact that my site has been down for a lot of this week and while that’s not really a huge deal since I x-post everything to Live Journal anyway and haven’t had a whole lot to say, it really sucks because my e-mail is on the same server as my site, so when my site’s down, it probably means I have no e-mail either. So my apologies if you’ve left comments on LJ or have sent me e-mail this week and I haven’t replied, I haven’t been getting my LJ notifications (obviously) and while I’ve been trying my best, it’s hard to remember who I’ve replied to and where so again, I’m sorry. Some people have asked about my host as they’ve seen me bitching about this all week on Twitter and I’m hosted by my friend Kevin, who is the co-owner of Camwhores.com, and he hosts me for free so I try not to complain. It’s not his fault the server took a shit this week and I know he’s been working extra hard trying to fix it, so when I complain, I’m not complaining about my hosting provider, Kevin is great and I love him, I’m just bitching because I’m bitching.

And speaking of my site, in the last 30 days I’ve had almost 3,000 unique visitors , which is actually a record since I began keeping stats just over a year ago. So hello new people! My name is Sunny and I’m not nearly as whiny or insane as I probably sound in this post. If you’d like to know more about me, there’s a page for that and while I update my site usually once a week or so, I update my Live Journal just about every day so if you’re bored, you might want to check that out too. Anonymous comments are turned off on my Live Journal because some people are pricks and while comments are moderated on my site, I’ll approve and reply to just about all of them as long as you’re not being an asshole. I’m done with giving assholes a forum, there are an infinite number of sites on the internet to be an asshole on, take The Forum [NSFW] for example, and I just don’t need to put up with them here.

Anyway…

This week Blake and I watched the movie Precious, but Blake reviewed it for Buttercup and his article will be going up tonight at around 1am so I won’t say anything about it other than I liked it and I agree with Blake’s assessment of the film.

Also this week I worked on my ATCs a bit and just about had a coronary because I spent hours and hours and hours meticulously drawing and shading miniature versions of my girls and then I used a Micron Pigma pen (02) to outline their mouths and noses so I’d be able to see them after I painted their faces with a flesh colour. I do this on my regular sized girls every time and didn’t figure it would be a problem. BUT IT WAS. A HUGE problem. I went to paint their faces with the flesh colour and the ink fucking RAN! That has never happened to me before and these pens are supposed to be waterproof and archival so WTF? So I stopped painting faces with the second girl and decided to let the ink “cure” over night and when I tried painting their faces the next day, everything was totally fine. I ruined 2 of 8, which sucks because I worked really hard on them, but at least I didn’t ruin the whole batch. Currently they’re still sitting on my desk with freshly painted eyes and faces awaiting hair colour and dresses. Truthfully, I haven’t kept working on them because I got distracted by another project…

This other project…well, I don’t really want to talk about it too much because I always do that (I suck at keeping things secret) and because I always do that and give too much away, I self-sabotage and never finish anything. Here’s the gist: I had a dream on Monday that was so vivid and so surreal that as soon as my eyes opened I flew out of bed and just began writing down every detail I could remember. Then that afternoon I fleshed it out a bit more and when Blake got home I showed him my scrawls to see what he thought and he thought it was brilliant, which was reassuring because I never know if my ideas are brilliant or stupid.  I thought about the story over the next couple of days, slightly intimidated by it but Blake threatened that if I didn’t write it, he would, and he wouldn’t do as good of a job as I would because I saw it all unfold in front of my eyes in the dream and for some reason, I think this is a story that needs to be told. I think it’s a story that’s never been told before, but then again, I’m not exactly well read so I could be talking out my ass there. Anyway, yesterday I actually started writing the thing and somehow, in the span of a couple of hours, I had 10 pages typed out, today I added 4 more and this story, that was only supposed to be a “short story” is turning into a novella. Honestly, I don’t know where it’s coming from but it’s a refreshing feeling and I’m enjoying the writing process more than I’ve enjoyed writing in a long time. I have no idea what I’m going to do with it when it’s done, but I’m trying not to worry about that and just fucking write the thing.

So often I sabotage myself by, like I said, explaining a project so much on here that I feel like I’ve completed the project or that just having the idea “out there” is enough for me. And I often get caught up in my fear of success. As much as people accuse me of being an attention whore, the opposite is actually true. I fear the spotlight like nobody’s business and when it comes to creative work, writing in particular, I fear criticism and thus I don’t often put very much out for critics. Even as I write this story, there’s this little negative voice in the back of my head telling me how much it sucks or how implausible the story is or how flimsy my characters are and all kinds of wonderful things like that. And it’s one thing for my own inner critic to say these things, but it’s a whole other thing for other people to say them. Since I’ve never really put anything out there for that kind of scrutiny (and yes, I realize that I put myself “out there” constantly with my site and my cam and all that, this is different) I don’t know how I’d deal with it and a fear of the unknown suddenly surfaces.

But right now all the story is, is 14 pages on my MacBook that no one’s seen but Blake and until it’s finished, that’s all it will be.

This week I also taught Wayne & Judy how to use Facebook, to the best of my ability. Right now they can’t afford internet but they have a wireless card in their computer so Blake built a booster on our wireless router and set them up with the password for the network so they have internet…some of the time. Most of the time they don’t get a signal, but this week they’ve actually had a strong signal for some reason and thus, they’ve been calling me every day to show them how to do things on the Facebook accounts I set up for them last week. Today Judy was asking me how to play FarmVille because a few of her friends sent her FarmVille gifts and since I have that application blocked on my own Facebook, I didn’t really know what to tell her. She also called me yesterday afternoon to tell me that she figured out how to comment on people’s status messages, which I thought was cute because she was so proud of herself for figuring it out.

This weekend I plan on going over there and if they have a strong enough signal, I’m going to set them up with FireFox, add all of the bookmark tabs that they’ll ever need and delete their shortcuts for Internet Explorer altogether. Yes, I realize Chrome is the new big thing but I haven’t used it myself yet and I want them to quit clicking on stupid pop up ads that tell them they have a virus, causing them to freak out and call me. Oh and I changed all of their homepages (they have 3 profiles on Windows, one for Wayne, one for Judy and one for Courtney) to Google so now how they get to Facebook is by typing “www.Facebook.com” INTO Google and going to the first search result. *headdesk* I don’t really blame them though, their Internet Explorer has/had so many toolbars on it for some reason that it had 3 possible inputs for a url and no doubt they chose the wrong one many many times. I got rid of the Ask Jeeves one, but since I don’t use IE and haven’t in many many years, I wasn’t sure how to get rid of the others and it’s difficult to tweak anything when they’re over your shoulder asking what you’re doing every 30 seconds. So, setting them up with FireFox and breaking their IE habit seems like the best thing to do. I also set them up with Gmail accounts and I’m going to try and get them in the habit of checking their e-mail as often as they check their Facebook so they understand how Facebook’s e-mail notifications work. Instead of Google, I’ll probably make Gmail their homepages for that reason.

I’m not a very patient person and my patience in teaching them how to use the internet is surprising even myself.

This week I got a call from the mental health clinic saying that they wanted to set me up with an appointment for another doctor who I think is a nutritionist or something. Are nutritionists doctors? This woman has “Dr.” in front of her last name and she runs a metabolic sumpin-er-other clinic where I see my shrink and I requested to get in on that when a spot opened up because the meds they had me on has slowed down my metabolism and while I’m still eating my eggs every day to help boost my metabolism, progress has been slow and this clinic is all about how to switch your metabolism around and lose weight. Apparently it’s 6 or 8 weeks and it’s in a group setting (oh yay) once a week in the afternoons. I’m assuming the new group starts in the new year and my appointment with this new doctor is on the 29th.

Before I called them back, I checked with Blake to make sure he was okay with using his days off to take me to this thing and he was, so I called and made the appointment with the new doctor. I guess she’ll like, assess me or something, I have no idea. Maybe there’s even a chance I can’t get into the clinic because I’m not fat enough. I don’t know how these things work.

And speaking of mental health…since some folks have been asking…no I have not been driving anywhere. I have not been doing my immersion therapy. I have not been checking the mail. I have also been neglecting my light therapy and had a really bad day earlier this week, so starting Monday the lightbox is going back on my desk and I’m going to start using it again. As for immersion therapy…I’m just done with it. I don’t even care anymore. I can go places, like with Blake or even with Judy, and be okay. I haven’t had a panic attack in public since the spring and I think I’ve made all the progress I’m going to make right now. I have zero desire to drive the car, in fact I hate the car and the mere thought of driving, so fuck it, I’m done. Maybe I’ll pick it up again in the spring, maybe I won’t. I’ve decided that in the end it simply doesn’t matter and that I’m fine where I am. So that’s that.

Anyway, this is a really long fucking post about basically nothing so I’m going to end it here and get back to work on my story.

Mirrored from [SunnyCrittenden.com].

• 03:14 one more day til doctor fun. where ive decided i want more cancer haha for now its off to work! #
• 10:55 @anville im not weird haha i just want an answer tomorrow vs no answer. cuz the no answer will turn into cancer im sure. so tomorrow works! #
• 17:19 @AmyDesjardins im still alive! #

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Janine Tremblay loves Michael MacNeil.

I've been trying here, but maybe not hard enough. It's not so bad, it's just incredibly BORING. I have internet (slow), food that's alright even though I can't get everything I'm used to, 4 English tv channels... and a gigantic apartment. But there's nothing to do during my day outside of those things. And really, how much bad tv and slow internet can one use before going completely mad?

We have two plans. The first plan is the Easy Way Out. It requires us to stay until February, which isn't really that far away. In February Oli would give in his notice, pay the company what is required for breaking his contract, and we'd use the money leftover to go to Japan. This would also mean that we'd have to start looking for jobs in Japan like, now, and we'd be arriving there with very little money.

The second plan is the Long Haul. It requires me to stay until July, when summer holiday starts. Oli has two months paid vacation which we'd use to visit his mum in England, and do some traveling in Europe (probably France, Italy and Greece as Oli has friends there/speaks the language). After summer holiday I would go to Japan and start working, and Oli would finish his contract in November and come meet me.

Obviously this is the better plan. We'd have a nice nest egg to start in Japan with, time to get good jobs set up there, visit Europe, NOT break Oli's work contract and in general just be better set up to start our life in Japan (which, if I haven't mentioned before, is where we've decided to spend the next 5+ years for various reasons.. the biggest being that we found we really do think Kyoto is the best city ever). But we've only been in Salalah for less than a month now and every day is like friggin' Groundhog Day... wake up, use internet, eat, clean house, watch tv, eat, sleep. I'm really concerned that if I do this for the next 8 months I'm going to turn into a life-hating zombie.

What to do... If we *are* to leave in February I have to make my decision soon, because Oli would have to get classes for April and there might not be any for him if we wait too long. I REALLY want to do Plan 2 but I just don't know if I can hang on that long here. It's really really fucking boring.

Dilemma!

i love when norm macdonald is on letterman or conan or something lol when they introduce him they have nothing to talk about except stuff thats ten or more years old lol but hes still hilarious and still on something about once every month or two.

as much as it pains me to say so, i'm trying to lose weight for an upcoming vacation. i just don't want to be another fat canadian. being healthy is a good thing too.
though it seems almost impossible sometimes, i'm remaining positive and hopeful. and sooo looking forward to cuba in january!

also, when using silicone epoxy, don't get it on your hands! in never comes off!

• 20:48 Wow, this is a week for seeing fashion rare fashion. I just saw a gangaru girl! I've never seen one IRL! #
• 20:50 Well, I've seen them but never in FULL ON panda makeup and pink haired. Man, I wish I had a camera to get a shot of her! #
• 20:51 Makes me wish I was in Japan 10 years ago before they went extinct! #
• 20:55 Oh god, the people next to me are planning their wedding. 吐きそう。 #
• 22:49 Damn, when I'm in the hall at karaoke and I hear how terrible everyone sounds I remember that I sound terrible too. #
• 11:37 Bur. Cold rain+kinda hang over+Japanese class= uuuuugh #

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• 22:16 @betenoir lets not sleep!!! im rockin the hyper! #
• 14:19 i hate my random bouts of crazy. right now im on the verge of packing up n leaving town. but i know id regret it. #
• 19:28 @rulingatlife the moon rocked there too? amazing! it was awesome on thsi side of hte country too! #

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ive had this open for an hour and havnt written a word haha

make that two...

Well, this worries me. Not gonna lie.



As I just explained to Ronny in an email:
"My mom thought she had special Jesus powers before, I guess she still does. Except I thought she just thought that she was a prophet of the lord or whatever. I don't know wtf "wake her up" means but it sounds like a Jesus-y miracle "raise the dead" kind of thing.

Oh my mom also thought that she could heal her deaf ear and claimed that when she prayed about it her ear felt warm and tingly and she thought her hearing was slowly coming back.Yeah, it obviously isn't but she likes to think it's working."

I keep forgetting how insane my mother really is until stuff like this pops up. Like, some of the crap she comes out with is beyond faith and religion... I think she's certifiably insane.

Oh, not sure if I mentioned this before since it's been ridiculously long since I last did a real update, my mom and dad split up again last winter and she's living up north with her family in the arctic. Before she moved up north she was renting a room from a friend about two blocks away and would sneak into the house while my dad was at work to take food and stuff. Yep.

In other news, long story short, I'm too much of a chicken shit to pick up the phone and make an appointment with my doctor so I had Ronny do it for me when he was up this weekend because he cares about me and stuff. They managed to squeeze me in for an appointment on Friday and he came with me to help me explain stuff and to make sure I didn't get rushed out the door before we covered everything that needed to be discussed. It was pretty much the best doctor's appointment I'd ever had with this woman because with Ronny's help she took the time to listen to me and in the end I left happy and relieved. Now I don't feel like I have to switch doctors. Phwew.

Anyway, I haz Wellbutrin and Ativan now. And new birth control pills that will hopefully actually work to clear up my skin. Here's hoping the Wellbutrin does what its supposed to and doesn't fuck with my head like the Zoloft did last year (or was that two years ago). Hooray for stupid brains.

K, that's it for now. I'll try to come back here more often, I miss it.

todays no fun. my brains just focusing on bad stuff. mostly its just thinking about how i have a doctors appointment on friday to reveal news to me that cant be good. it can only be one of a couple bad options. and the worst part is im not even sure which shitty option is the one i want. sure cancer sucks but then its settled and can be dealt with. no cancer means more tests which suck and then something to deal with it after and honestly...id say theres a 50/50 chance in the end theyd just find out it was cancer afterall lol i think i might just hope its cancer. who knows...could be dealt with easier this time? or harder. i dunno haha

Greetings!

On Thursday, December 3rd, 2009 at 8:00 am PST, Porterhouse Fine Art Editions will be offering the following item.

"Micro Portfolio 6 – The Snow Yak Show" Postcard set

This set of 17 postcards showcases all eight paintings, two detail painting views and seven drawings from Mark Ryden's 2009 solo exhibition at the Tomio Koyama Gallery in Tokyo, Japan. The postcards are printed on high quality card stock and are packaged into a heavy card stock folder. This is the first time that this collection of images has been reproduced in any format.

[ click here for more information and detail views ]

Size: 5" x 7"
Porterhouse Item Number: P077
Price: $12.95

The postcards will be available through our online store at www.porterhouseart.com

Thank you!
Porterhouse Fine Art Editions

What is the piece of furniture called that's like a couch, except it's only high-backed and has an arm on one side, usually the left side, kind of like a long chair? (Does that even make any sense?)

I know these things have a name, I just don't know what it is.

soooo... today will be my first day back at the gym since we've moved out of the in-laws and into the new house. i've been putting it off because of the move and getting the house settled and all. but now there really isn't any reason not to go. except the motivation thing, which isn't a reason anyway.

depending on when mia naps i'll either head over with her around lunch time or i'll have to wait until terry gets home from work and go after dinner. we'll see. but i will go today.

i will.

...where I went to the Stouffville Sales Barns, on a Saturday when the farmers used to buy & sell animals, back when it was good, and I bought two baby foxes, two baby pigs, two baby chickens, two ducklings and a pair of pink mukluks.

I wonder what that means?

And now I think I'm going back to bed.

• 09:11 "it's like seeing a part of the house I'd never been before" haha I cleaned...people approve lol #

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• 12:51 @robolover Ladytron is awesome. I've been reading your tweets and our taste in music is ridiculously similar. I like that ;D #
• 12:51 @meowberry It gets dark at 4:00 PM here! #
• 12:53 @meowberry I'm a night person so the longer night is, the better. In the summer the sun would come up at 4:30AM! That's obscenely early. #
• 13:10 @meowberry I know dude. I wake up at noon on an average day and the sun starts goign down at 3:30! #
• 13:11 @meowberry But now at least I can see the sunset. I work so late that I usually miss it! Now I can catch it before work! #
• 15:56 It's always nice when someone answers my questions in stupid Japanese with good English! #
• 00:35 @japanbrenna please don't get a dog! ^^ I'll be afraid to come to your house because I'm so afraid of dogs! Get a cat! #
• 00:36 @korpsy Yeah, the resemblance your apartment bore to my dorm in Dubai was stunning! You should try to go to Dubai for a break! #
• 00:37 @simonlazenby I'm totally a fan of "Not playing Farmville" on FB. lol. #
• 00:40 Finished 2006 JLPT test. Got a 91%. That puts me in the top 3%. Must bust ass so I can place in the top 1% when I take the real test Sunday. #
• 00:42 Help! I can't find my lighter and I want to smoke a cigarette (I've only had one today)! Anyone got a light? #
• 00:45 Good thing I smoke 100's. I can light them at the stove without burning my hair ^^ #
• 00:50 Things to do 1) fashion and writing contacts and Coco 2) CLEAN 3) Make Christmas online wishlist for Mom. 4) Shower. I have an hour. GO! #
• 00:51 @japanbrenna Japanese dogs that have been put in a shelter. Oh god, I bet they bite like banshees. I've been bitten by so many Japanese dogs #
• 03:30 @japanbrenna Japanese dogs are so bad! I dunno, I hate offending people by saying I don't like dogs but it's just the truth ^^ #
• 03:33 @korpsy I'm taking level 4. It's a snap ^^ Everyone says I should take 3 but I didn't listen. #
• 03:34 @korpsy And try to muster up some bravery! The ME can be really overwhelming at first. I used to feel weird going places by myself too #
• 03:35 @korpsy But once I started hanging out with the fire spinners I started going out. You should really meet them! They're your kind of people! #

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its my day off! i cleaned the shit outta the kitchen! then...did nothing haha its like 2ish now. i got outta bed at 11. i slept a bunch. i think i need to on days off since i dont days i have to work. mostly ive just been sittin around. talkin to the lovely ally on msn and other random people off n on. ate some eggs n toast for breakfast about half an hour ago. i was pretty hungry before i finally remembered i had eggs.

but ya....not much going on!
la la la what to do all day...lol its raining out which ruins all outdoor adventures!